Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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