Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, beer. Big fan.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
