She just used a chaser for red wine.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
