Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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