OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
