i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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