he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
