If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
