new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
