Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
