Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
