I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize