Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize