Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
