i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
