put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
