this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
