Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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