not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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