You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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