You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
