I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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