You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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