my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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