He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
