We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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