ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't put those talents on a resume
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
