have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize