The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
