Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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