Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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