he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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