Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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