No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
