Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
