I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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