Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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