David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
