we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
