I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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