In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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