so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
