Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
