party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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