you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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