WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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