Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
