I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
