Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
