I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
