I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need to sanitize my soul.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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