two words...techno handjob
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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