Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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