sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
