This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
