Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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