oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm having to shit out rocks
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