Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
