Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He shit in the fireplace
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
