Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
