But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize