so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
