you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
