Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
