from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
