When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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