I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize